didn't know what I was missing

I got my first job when I was in high school and I have pretty much worked ever since. I’ve worked various roles in the service industry, university student services, academic offices, classrooms and libraries. I never noticed that I had never had a non-white manager until one magical day about 3 years ago - my workplace hired a new Director… and she wasn’t white! Not only that, but I learned that she was, like me, Canadian-born with ancestors from Hong Kong. What?!?! I was in shock - and so excited. A Chinese-Canadian woman in a governmental management position?! It felt like cognitive dissonance - it was a completely new experience for me.

Photo from: http://rockinrobinsramblings.blogspot.com/2014/03/you-dont-know-what-youre-missingor-do.html

It is a sad state of affairs that seeing a Chinese-Canadian woman in a position of power was so shocking and notable for me, even into my 30’s. Systemic racism has kept and continues to keep BIPOC away from leadership positions - but that's not my focus right now. What I want to share is how this experience has been so powerful for me. I truly didn't know what I was missing before!

I grew up in a very white and racist society and still have a lot of internalized racism as a result of it. I have very few non-white friends and even fewer Chinese friends. I didn’t ever talk about race with my friends or colleagues before; I never felt safe doing so. But having a fellow HK-Chinese-Canadian woman working a few feet from my desk and having regular meetings with her, we slowly started to talk about our shared culture (i.e. our love for Chinese food, how we wish we knew more Cantonese).

Then one day, in May 2020 I came to work feeling distraught. Something had happened and I felt the need to confront a group that I volunteer with regarding their racial insensitivity. I had never done anything like that before but there was a new rage inside me regarding racism, and I felt a very strong compulsion to let them know that what they did was not okay. I was terrified at the prospect of confronting a group of my white friends and colleagues. I ended up telling my Director everything that happened and how I wanted to respond. She was not only sympathetic, but she had genuine empathy for what was happening because she had experienced the same sort of insensitivities herself. She was incredibly supportive and this gave me the confidence to say what I needed to say to the group.

In the following months, I sunk myself deep into research on race relations, racial trauma and racism/anti-racism. I felt like the act of confronting racism, and not just tolerating it like I had in the past had set a fire in me. I felt empowered and emboldened. It was amazing to have my Director to share anecdotes from what I was learning or to bounce ideas off of her. We exchanged stories of racial microaggressions and frustrations, and it was so validating to know I wasn’t alone in my experiences.

photo from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/business/black-owned-bookstores-anti-racist-literature/

After months of research, I decided to create an educational workshop to communicate the research I had been doing. Based on my experience with my volunteer group, I could see that a lot of people really wanted to know more about race relations and how to practice anti-racism but they didn’t know where to start. With my background in teaching and my newfound passion for race relations, I felt really motivated to create something that helped groups start that conversation about race and racism. I told my Director about it and she was so excited about it she asked if I’d like to deliver it to our staff. I felt so gratified to have a superior believe in what I was doing - so much as to find me an audience! And by the end of 2020, I delivered my workshop, “Let’s Talk About Race” for the very first time.

A year and a half later, I’m still offering the workshop to different groups and am ready to start developing more and growing this business. I would never have guessed the power of having someone else in the workplace that looked like me and shared a similar heritage to me would have - but I feel like it has truly changed my life for the better. I still often feel terrified about talking about race and racism out in the open - but her unwavering support of me and what I’m doing really helps to keep me going!

Other great things about having a non-white Director:

• Role models are so important for young people, on an explicit and implicit level. Think about what President Barack Obama and Vice-President Kamala Harris have done for young African-American kids across the whole world. Seeing someone that looks like you in certain positions allows you to envision yourself in those positions, too. My kids see that I have a non-white Director and hopefully seeing BIPOC in positions of power will be more normalized for them.

• Staff and clients in the workplace may be more aware of racial sensitivity if their superior is not white. That improves the workplace for all!

• BIPOC leaders can bring different perspectives to the table and will likely have a deeper understanding of adversity and barriers. This may translate to deeper empathy when providing services to clients.