speaking Cantonese in the house

Since becoming a mom, I have had a growing desire to speak to my kids in Cantonese. I don’t feel strongly that they need to read/write Chinese or that they need to speak it fluently - but I would just love so much if I could speak my heritage language in my home and be understood.

When I was on mat leave with my daughter, I tried to speak Cantonese to her at home. That’s when I learned very quickly that my Cantonese was super poor. I could barely say anything to her! I was unable to use full sentences, let alone get through an entire day of Cantonese immersion. I was a bit shocked at this realization, since I had grown up hearing Cantonese everyday for the first 18 years of my life! However, hearing and understanding a language is totally different than having to use it! Even though I had been hearing it my whole life, I rarely spoke it as I responded to my parents in English.

I was quite discouraged by this discovery of how little I knew. I inserted the few words I did know into my otherwise English sentences (i.e. 蘋果, 食飯, 牛奶... not a whole lot else!) but I still found this very challenging for a few reasons…

• I have a ton of internalized racism about speaking Cantonese. Years of “how do you say “_____” in Chinese?” like my language is a circus trick, or taunts of “Ching chong chang… hahah, what did I just say” from classmates will do that to you. I felt VERY self-conscious and vulnerable speaking Cantonese in my home where no one would respond or validate me

• I’d often forget to use it at all - it just felt so hard to recall words in Cantonese - and when you’re using 99.99% English, it is really hard to remember to use Cantonese even that 00.01% of the time!

• It really isn’t that fun to speak a language no one else in the house understands. It really feels like you’re talking to a wall… a wall that gives you a funny look for speaking a foreign language.

So my venture to use Cantonese in the house mostly fell by the wayside while I continued to work on my Chinese literacy goals.

Then last summer I had another baby and I felt re-inspired to speak more Cantonese in the home again. However, this time I still faced challenges:

• I still felt uncomfortable and self-conscious speaking Cantonese in my home but now I see it as a form of reclamation and dismantling internalized racism

• I still forgot to use it and ended up using 99% English through the day

• A new and unforeseen barrier that REALLY SUCKED was my toddler screaming “No Chinese!” at me whenever I tried to speak Cantonese or read a story to her in Chinese!

This was so disheartening and really circled back to the whole thing about feeling self-conscious, vulnerable and unsafe speaking Cantonese in my own home! It was like 5th grade came back to haunt me in the form of my 3-year-old.

As winter began, I found a group of other Cantonese heritage learners and it was a real game changer for me. I was able to practice the language without a little person screaming at me and I was able to build some confidence speaking the language. Chatting with them on a weekly basis also served as a sort of reminder and inspiration to keep using Cantonese in the house.

Fast forward to today and I still face the same struggles, but I definitely have a few wins to celebrate:

• My own Cantonese has improved a ton since I started my language learning journey and I am able to say way more to my kids through the day - like I'm talking full sentences!

• My daughter is also way more receptive to hearing Cantonese in the house. Sometimes she still gets upset about it but she is engaging more and more with curiosity and interest

• I have a repertoire of about 6-7 songs I can sing in Cantonese and my daughter has learned to sing a few of them too!

• I’m able to confidently read at least a dozen kids’ books to them

• I try to do bedtime entirely in Cantonese (besides reading stories, because my daughter still insists on no Chinese books at bedtime…) - but she knows the routine of getting PJs, brushing teeth, picking stories, singing songs and tucking in all in Canto now!

It’s an uphill journey and there’s really no one there to keep you going but your own motivation! I really like doing bedtime in Cantonese because even if I forgot to say anything to the kids in Cantonese all day, we still have bedtime where they can hear it a bit. Hopefully soon I can choose another daily routine in the house to do in Cantonese!